Ahoy there, fellow sailors and landlubbers alike! Ever spotted a boat with a name so cringe-worthy it made you want to abandon ship? Well, you’re in for a treat because we’re about to embark on a hilarious journey through the murky waters of terrible boat names.
Picture this: You’re strolling along the marina, admiring the sleek vessels and clever monikers, when suddenly you spot it – a boat name so bad it makes you do a double-take. Is that really what they chose to christen their pride and joy? Oh yes, it is!
From pun-tastic disasters to downright inappropriate choices, we’ve scoured the seven seas (okay, maybe just a few marinas and online forums) to bring you the cream of the crap when it comes to boat names. So batten down the hatches and prepare to laugh, groan, and maybe even facepalm as we dive into the world of bad boat names.
But why stop at just laughing? This guide is also a public service announcement for all you aspiring boat owners out there. Consider it your compass to navigate away from the treacherous waters of naming faux pas. After all, you don’t want to be that person at the yacht club, do you?
So, whether you’re here for a good chuckle or seeking inspiration on what NOT to name your boat, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got over 300 examples of names that should probably stay in dry dock. Let’s weigh anchor and set sail into the hilariously choppy seas of bad boat names!
Painfully Punny Boat Names
Ah, puns. The lowest form of humor, yet somehow irresistible when it comes to boat names. These nautical plays on words might elicit more groans than laughs, but their owners probably think they’re pretty clever. Brace yourself for an onslaught of wordplay that’ll make you want to walk the plank:
- Unsinkable II
- Cirrhosis of the River
- Aquaholic
- Nauti Buoy
- Pier Pressure
- Ship Faced
- Usain Boat
- Dock Holiday
- Knot Working
- The Codfather
- Fishful Thinking
- Reel Nauti
- Seas the Day
- Moor Often Than Knot
- Sail La Vie
- Buoy Oh Buoy
- Dock of Shame
- Aboat Time
- Knot on Call
- Wet Dream
- Sea-cret Admirer
- Yachta Yachta Yachta
- Anchor Management
- Seaduction
- Bow Movement
- Nautilus But Nice
- Sail Mail
- Dock-a-holic
- Knot So Fast
- Moor the Merrier
- Dock and Roll
- Yacht’s All, Folks!
- Bow Chicka Wow Wow
- Nauti by Nature
- Dock Ness Monster
- Sail of the Century
- Knot for Everyone
- Pier We Go Again
- Dock-a-doodle-doo
- Yacht to Trot
Inappropriately Named Vessels
Some boat owners seem to forget that their vessel’s name will be seen by people of all ages. These risqué, crude, or just plain inappropriate names might get a chuckle from some, but they’re more likely to raise eyebrows and turn heads for all the wrong reasons:
- Master Baiter
- Wet Spot
- Ship Happens
- Passing Wind
- Filthy Oar
- Seaman Samples
- The Great White Nope
- Cirrhosis of the River
- Drunken Clam
- Liquor Box
- Unsinkable II
- Titanic II
- Boaty McBoatface
- Boatox
- Dirty Oar
- Slippery When Wet
- Slice of Wife
- Nauti Girl
- Salty Balls
- Dock Tease
- Blew By You
- Breakin’ Wind
- Aqua Holic
- Poop Deck
- Wet Dreams
- Seaword
- Dinghy Danglers
- Buoy Toy
- Floater
- Sinking Feeling
- Wasted Seamen
- Pier Pressure
- Dock Blocker
- Bow Movement
- Knot Guilty
- Seas the Day
- Moor Often Than Knot
- Ship Faced
- Wet Willy
- Nautical Nonsense
Ego-Inflating Boat Names
Some boat owners seem to think their vessel is an extension of their… personality. These names scream “look at me” and might make you want to steer clear on the water:
- Bigger Than Yours
- Money to Burn
- Tax Deduction
- Overcompensating
- My Yacht Not Yours
- Ego Trip
- Better Than Sex
- Trophy Wife
- Sugar Daddy
- Midlife Crisis
- Daddy’s Money
- Bite Me
- Show Off
- Top Dog
- King of the Sea
- Master of the Universe
- Liquid Gold
- Yacht Stuff
- Big Shot
- Bragging Rights
- Look At Me Now
- Envy This
- Nouveau Riche
- Humble Brag
- Wealth Floats
- Champagne Wishes
- Caviar Dreams
- Hedge Fund
- Trust Fund Baby
- Born Lucky
- Silver Spoon
- Privileged
- Entitlement
- One Percenter
- Lap of Luxury
- Living Large
- High Roller
- Big Spender
- Money Talks
- Cash Flow
- Liquid Asset
Pop Culture Failures
Trying to be cool by referencing pop culture? These boat names missed the mark, either by being too obscure, too dated, or just plain cringeworthy:
- Boaty McBoatface
- Titanic II
- Gilligan’s Nightmare
- Unsinkable II
- Jenny (but it’s not a shrimp boat)
- The Implication
- Seaward (say it out loud)
- Slice of Life (Dexter fans, anyone?)
- Stugots (The Sopranos reference gone wrong)
- Millennium Falcon (it’s a boat, not a spaceship)
- Black Pearl (unless you’re actually Johnny Depp)
- Nautilus (for those who didn’t read the book)
- SS Minnow (tempting fate, much?)
- Orca (Jaws fans, beware)
- Poseidon (asking for trouble)
- Nemo (it’s not a clownfish)
- Moby Dick (whale of a bad idea)
- Boaty McBoatface Jr.
- Forrest Gump’s Jenny
- Ginger or Mary Ann
- Kraken Up
- Davy Jones’ Locker Room
- Jack Sparrow’s Revenge
- Willy’s Free
- Popeye’s Spinach
- Gilligan’s Island Hopper
- Skipper’s Folly
- Ginger’s Revenge
- Lovey’s Yacht
- Thurston’s Folly
- Minnow’s Revenge
- Castaway’s Dream
- Wilson!
- Hanks’ Folly
- Splash Too
- Overboard Again
- Jaws’ Snack
- Nemo’s Nemesis
- Dory’s Memory
- McBoaty Face
Financially Foolish Boat Names
Nothing says “I make poor life choices” quite like these boat names that highlight the financial drain of boat ownership:
- Alimony
- Money Pit
- Tuition
- Hole in the Water
- Sunk Cost
- Floating Loan
- Mortgage Payment
- Debt Trap
- Bank Account Drainer
- Repo Man’s Dream
- Divorce Maker
- Financial Ruin
- Bottomless Pit
- Empty Wallet
- Broke But Afloat
- Last Cent
- Paycheck Eater
- Retirement Fund
- College Fund
- Second Mortgage
- Foreclosure Bound
- Creditor’s Delight
- Floating Debt
- Sinking Fund
- Penny Pincher’s Folly
- Budget Buster
- Savings Drainer
- Liquid Liability
- Fiscal Fiasco
- Cash Sink
- Money Overboard
- Floating Expense
- Nautical Nightmare
- Financial Folly
- Buoyant Bankruptcy
- Waterlogged Wallet
- Sinking Savings
- Debt Floats
- Fiscal Shipwreck
- Monetary Mayhem
Navigating the Choppy Waters of Boat Naming
Well, there you have it, folks – a veritable treasure trove of terrible boat names to avoid like the Kraken. We’ve laughed, we’ve cringed, and we’ve probably questioned the judgment of quite a few boat owners along the way.
Remember, choosing a boat name is like getting a tattoo – it’s going to be with you for a long time, and everyone’s going to see it. So maybe think twice before christening your vessel “Master Baiter” or “Unsinkable II” (seriously, don’t tempt fate like that).
Whether you’re a seasoned sailor or a landlubber dreaming of your future yacht, let this list serve as a cautionary tale. A good boat name should be clever, not crass; witty, not woeful; and memorable for all the right reasons.
So, as you embark on your own boat-naming adventure, steer clear of these choppy waters. And remember, if you find yourself even slightly tempted by any of the names on this list, it might be time to drop anchor and reconsider.
Happy sailing, and may your boat name be as smooth as calm seas!
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